List of jokes for World of Warcraft
by callum117117
Summary: A huge list of jokes for World of Warcraft.
Why did Arthas become a Death Knight?
They didn't let him raid as retribution.

Why do I love my class trainer?  
Because he respecs me.

What do rogues and noobs have in common?  
They both pick locks!

Why do mages and warlocks get invited to all parties?  
Because Mages bring the food and Warlocks get you stoned.

Knock Knock.  
Who's there?  
A Gnome.. I can't reach the doorbell.

How does Naxxramas fly?  
With its four wings.

Your momma is so fat, when a rogue shadowstepped her, he got loading screen...  
Your momma is so fat, when the loading screen finished, he got an error messaging saying the expansion wasn't yet released.  
Your momma is so fat, she fell off her flight to Silithus and created the Un'goro crater.  
Your momma is so fat, when she dinged 20.. She learned [Aspect of the Whale].  
Your momma is so fat, her fart caused the Cataclysm.  
Your momma is so fat, the Mage trainer refused to teach her how to conjure food.  
Your momma is so fat, it takes 24 Warlocks to summon her.  
Your momma is so fat, Mages have to conjure Cinnamon Rolls on the other side to get her through their portals.  
Your momma is so fat, she takes up all 25 raid slots.  
Your momma is so fat, you get a WoW Error upon inspecting her.  
Your momma is so fat, Chain Lightning hits her all 3 times.  
Your momma is so fat, she gained Exalted with McDonald's.  
Your momma is so fat, War Stomp is a passive spell for her.  
Your momma is so fat, when she logs in.. We all DC.  
Your momma is so fat, if Blizz made a realm just for her.. She'd STILL lag.  
Your momma is so fat, she eats the whole feast with one click... And doesn't get the Well Fed buff.  
Your momma is so fat, when she took a bath, she flooded Thousand Needles.  
Your momma is so fat, her Blink spell turned into Blind.  
Your momma is so fat, when she sat on Black Temple, it became Sunken Temple!  
Your momma is so fat, when she logs into WoW she gets the World Explorer achievement!  
Your momma is so fat, not even Brann Bronzebeard has explored her!  
Your momma is so fat, it took a 25 man raid of Forsaken just to Cannibalise her.  
Your momma is so fat, the Caverns of Time was just her dirty bellybutton.  
Your momma is so fat, she hired a 25 man raid of Mages only to conjure breakfast.  
Your momma is so fat, she wears a pair of 22 slot bags as socks.  
Your momma is so fat, when she got hungry and wanted chicken wings, she had to farm Onyxia...

How does Yogg-Saron ask for your age?  
How Uld-u-ar.

How come Rogues always wear clean, stain free items?  
He uses Vanish (It's a washing powder here in the UK).

Why do Devs always fail at gymnastics?  
They suck at balancing.

A Hunter, Rogue and a Druid are in a bar and each order a round of drinks. As soon as the drinks are made, the Hunter quickly downs them all at once. When asked why he did that, he grinned and said "Heh, Multi-Shot!"

What do you call a Tauren with one leg?  
Lean Beef.  
What do you call a Tauren with no legs?  
Ground Beef.

What did the game tell the hunter when he dinged lvl 40?  
You've got mail.

Why Didn't the Forsaken cross the road?  
Because he didn't have the guts.

What's a rogue's favourite drink?  
Subtle tea.

Are you a Resto Druid? Because you are looking HoT!

What do you call a Restoration Druid that fights?  
A Combat Log.

How many dps does it take to kill a resto druid.  
Don't know but we'll get him one of these days.

You know you play too much WoW when you see a guy cutting down a tree and start yelling "Leave my healer alone, noob!"  
You know you play too much WoW when you refer to cooking as "Grinding cooking skill for spouse rep."  
You know you play too much WoW when your microwave goes "DING" and you say "Gz noob".  
You know you play too much WoW when there's a cop behind you and you wonder if you aggroed it.  
You know you play too much WoW when your mom asks you to go to school.. And you tell her you don't have the flight path.  
You know you play too much WoW when you see a huge wave at the beach and yell "JUST WIPE IT GUYS!"  
You know you play too much WoW when you think you have to walk to a new airport before you can fly there.  
Why can't Gnomes be Paladins?  
Poor little guys can't reach the light.

So a human, a Draenei and an Elf walk into a bar... The Gnome walks safely under.

What do you call a Gnome Mage?  
Minibar.

How many Hunters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  
What lightbulb? Hey, who ninja'd the lightbulb?

What class is your best friend?  
A PAL-adin!

What's the Pirate Warrior's main spec?  
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrms!  
What's the Pirate Mage's main spec?  
Arrrrrrrrrrrrcane!

What do you call a Tauren who seeks revenge on Azeroth?  
Cattleclysm!

None dies a virgin. Elite Mobs fuc*s us all over.

What do you do when an Undead gives you the finger?  
Keep it, it means he likes you!

Why do Paladins generally have an empty backpack?  
They like to travel light.

GM: What is blue and purple and always has the last word?  
Player: Idk, what?  
GM: This GM is currently unavailable for chat, please open a ticket to talk to a GM. If the open-ticket icon is visible, do not edit your petition. Thank you!  
Player: D:  
GM: Got ya!

GM: I don't know.. I haven't told a joke in years.. Not since what happened the last time...  
Player: What happened?  
GM: It was dangerous. Last time I told a joke, it was so good that the player laughed hard.  
GM: Hard enough to wake Deathwing up...  
GM: Nobody had fun for a couple of years afterward.  
GM: We called it the Cataclysm Expansion.

What's the difference between the Spectral Tiger mount and a Gnome?  
I don't have the Spectral Tiger tied up in my stables.

One day, a Troll decided to level his Archaeology skill. He flew to Uldum and started digging. About an hour passed and he was getting tired.. Until he came across a dusty old lamp. "Heh, this be worth some gold I think", said the Troll. He rubbed it against his tunic and a Genie popped out! "Thank you for freeing me from the Lamp's curse.. I will grant you three wishes.. But you cannot wish for more wishes". The Troll thought for a moment before saying "Okay, mon. I not be wishing for more wishes.. I be wishing for more Genies."

What's the difference between comedy and tradegy?  
Comedy is when a ship full of Gnomes sinks in the middle of the ocean. Tradegy is if they can all swim...

What's the difference between a Gnome Priest and a Park Bench?  
The Bench can at least support a group.

One day, a Dwarf walks into a bar on a Friday night. He buys 4 pints of beer, pays and then downs them all in one before leaving. He comes back every Friday and does the same thing.  
This goes on for a while until the Bartender asked why he did this. The Dwarf said "Me and my 3 brothers used to drink one pint this time every week."  
"They're away travelling in dangerous lands right now, so I am continuing the tradition myself." He pays and leaves and it continues for weeks until..  
One day, he came in and ordered 3 beers. The Bartender asked "Oh no, did one of your brothers die in their travels?" "Oh, no. I just quit drinking."

How do you get a Dwarf on the roof?  
Tell him beers are on the house.

How do you keep Dwarves out of bars?  
Put up a sign saying "Axes denied."

How many beers does it take to get a Dwarf drunk?  
Errr... Find me a sober one and we can start counting!

A Dwarf walks out of a bar...  
WELL IT COULD HAPPEN.

Player: Tell me a GM joke please ;o GM: Your arena rating.. Badum-tiss!  
Player: Oi! D:

What goes up Orgrimmar at 120mph and paints the floor red at the same time?  
A Gnome tied to the back of my Mechano-Hog!

GM: A player gets hit by a car and a GM sees it. The player cripples in pain with his legs cut off.. He died from loss of blood and the GM didn't help. The player asks why. The GM said "I was searching the macro for this situation."

How does a Druid cut his hair?  
Eclipse it!

What do you call a Druid in the moonwell?  
A HoT tub.  
What do you call a Paladin in the Stormwind Canals?  
A Bubble Bath.  
What do you call a Druid and a Paladin in the ocean?  
A HoT Bubble Bath.

How many Worgen Druids does it take to chase a cat up a tree?  
3\. One to be the cat, one to be the Worgen and one to be the tree.

Why do most female players pick the Druid class?  
Because they can be a cute little kitty cat for 3 weeks every month.. And for that one week at the end of every month... A raging bear.

During the recent password audit, it was found that one Alliance player was using the following password: HumanDwarfDraeneiOrcUndeadTaurenGnomeElfStormwind.  
When asked why such a long password, the dude said "Oh, the registration page told me it had to include 8 characters and a capital."

How many Gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?  
Well.. I don't know either.. I haven't stacked them that high yet!

How many Warriors does it take to change a lightbulb?  
101\. 1 to change the lightbulb, and 100 to complain on the forums about how it could be done better.

How many GM's does it take to change a lightbulb?  
None, it's working as intended.  
How many GM's does it take to change a lightbulb?  
Sorry, but that's considered a hint.  
How many GM's does it take to change a lightbulb?  
None, but it takes one to shut the server down and apologise for the emergency rollback.

What do you call a Worgen and Gnome hybrid race?  
A Micro-Worgenism!

The Path to happiness: Roll a Gnome, make him roll off a cliff and fall to his death. It will make you smile.. And want to do it again.. And again.. And again...

What do you call a worgen mage?  
A labracadabrador.

"I saved Azeroth from Ragnaros, destroyed Lich King, I've beat Deathwing and Ragnaros AGAIN and put the end of the Thunder King and you say this is too dangerous for me?!" the angry gnome shouted, glaring up at the human to which the human said: "I'm sorry but you're just too short for the rollercoaster ride."

Why are orcs such good gardeners?  
Green thumbs.

Why do hardcore raiders smell so bad?  
They never wipe.

What's wet and goes mrrhplhhhg...?  
A Dwarf at the bottom of Vashj'ir.

GM: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?  
Player: Could I please have 1 million gold?  
GM: Sure thing! However, in order to avoid suspicion, I'll hide it in very small amounts in all of the enemies you kill.

What's red, black and white?  
A decapitated Pandaren.

Where does a Shaman go to learn how to play WoW?  
ELEMENTary School!

Best joke ever told by Blizzard: Your ticket will be serviced soon!

Why couldn't the Warrior cross the road?  
No path available.

What do you call a band full of Orcs?  
An ORChestra.

A Tauren and Gnome escaped the Stockade. The Guards are looking high and low for them.

The ultimate crime was commited last night, when a bunch of bandits broke into the Stormwind Keep and stole all the toilets. The guards say they have absolutely nothing to go on.

A gnome spirit-talker escaped the Stockades. The Watch issued warnings about Small Medium at Large.

"The last Paladin I spoke to offered me eternal salvation if I worshipped The Light."  
"Really? What did you say to that?"  
"Kings please!"

How do Tauren count their gold?  
With a cow-culator.

Who is the legendary disco Queen of Zangarmarsh?  
Lady Naga.

What does a paladin and a chicken got incommon?  
BoK BoK BoK.

What happens when a dwarf takes a bath?  
-2000 armor.

Why was Kael'thas early to a meeting?  
The time was merely setback.

Why did Ragnaros buy an alarm clock?  
Because Executus kept getting him up "TOO SOON!"

What nightmare has plagued Baine for years?  
A bowl of Chilli con Cairne..

Why did Garrosh underestimate Vol'jin?  
He took him for a troll..

Why haven't the Gnomes reclaimed Gnomeregan fully yet?  
Their attempts always came up a little short..

What does Khadgar order after his shift?  
El Garona with 4986 limes

Why was Thrall an utterly useless Tank?  
He couldn't keep the Aggra..

How many Horde DKs do you need to change a lightbulb?  
None - we both know that kids cannot reach the ceiling.

What do DK's get for Winter Veil?  
Frost Presents.

What's the difference between a Death Knight and a Prostitute?  
Nothing! They're both cheap, easy and both spread diseases like there's no tomorrow!

Why can't Rogues and Paladins ever have kids?  
Paladins use Protection and Rogues do it from behind...

What did Illidan say to his students on their exam day?  
"YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!"

Arthas goes into a restaurant. He orders two burgers, a side of chips, some kaja cola and an extra large chicken wing platter.  
The clerk remarks: "That's a lot to eat for yourself."  
Arthas replies: "I'm not going to eat it."  
The clerk responds: "Well, then who is?"  
Arthas replies: "My sword. Frostmourne hungers..."

A Tauren Warrior, a Blood Elf Priest and a Forsaken Warlock are captured by the Alliance during a raid. All are sentenced to the "March of death"  
They are taken to Tanaris, stripped down to cloth gear and told that they must make way accross the desert.  
If they die, so be it if they lived the ordeal of the trek would be their punishment. As a last request , each is given a choice of food item to carry.  
"I'll take a watermelon", says the Tauren. "I can drink its juices and then eat to sustain me through the journey."  
"I'll take a coconut", scoffs the Blood Elf. "It's lighter than a watermelon and will sustain me just the same."  
The Forsaken looks for a moment at the other two and then turns to the guards and says: "Can I just have a fork?"

Two Druids walk into a bar and get completely hammered. One Druid accidentally tips the table over. The other Druid said "Lol, Balance Druids suck".

How does a Tauren hide in a forest?  
He paints his balls red and hides in an apple tree.  
How did the Gnome die?  
Picking apples.

Leveling up a Mage is like being Irish: drinking fighting drinking fighting drinking fighting.

How many Paladins does it take to change a light bulb?  
Two. One to hold up the ladder and another to uphold the light.

What musician is from ICC?  
An Arthas formally known as Prince.

A Warlord and two peons are working in a mine. The peons strike into a buried lamp and a magical Genie appears.  
The Genie said, "Since there are three of you, I will grant you each one of my three wishes."  
The first peon shouts, "I wish ta be in Booty Bay on da beach with a nice Rumsey Rum!" POOF! The peon is gone.  
The second peon following suit says, "I wishes to go to Booty Bay and be on a real pirate ship to sail da seas!" POOF! That peon is gone. The Warlord thinks for a moment and says, "I want those two back in the mines working." POOF!

Why didn't Illidan cross the road?  
HE WAS NOT PREPARED!

Why did Illidan get Salmonella?  
His chicken was NOT PREPARED!

Player: Can I haz a GM Joke please? :0 GM: My jokes are bad.. I practice them on my Gnome friend but they all go over his head. :C

What do you call a priest casting payer of mending on a rock?  
Pomegranate - PoM - A - Granite (Pom = Prayer of Mending)

Why are there no restaurants in Thunder Bluff? The waiters keep quitting when they find out they'll be tipped.

So, a Tauren walks into a bar. He walks up to the Innkeeper and orders an ale.  
Just as he s reaching for it, POOF! he s four feet tall, with pink hair.  
Then, just as suddenly, he s back to his normal size.  
"Dude," says the Inkeeper, "I think your toon is glitching."  
"Yeah," grumbles the Tauren. "It s a Gnome issue."

How many Rogues does it take to kill a Paladin?  
2\. One to get him to bubble-hearth, and the other to wait for him at the Inn.

What do you call a toothless Druid?  
A Gummy Bear.

Why do Warriors generally make bad vendors?  
They CHARGE too much.

Why are Hunters crap at photography?  
They are always out of focus.

Why did the Resto Druid let the Tank die?  
He was a mean son of a birch!

How can you tell if a player has played since Vanilla?  
Don't worry, he'll tell you ;)

How many Vanilla players does it take to change a lightbulb?  
None, they all just stand around and talk about how gold the old one was.

A Night Elf, a Goblin, and a Dwarf walk in to a bar. They each sit down at the counter and order a mug of ale.  
When they get their beverages, however, they're horrified to discover a fly is in each of their drinks.  
The Night Elf turns his nose down to the drink.  
The Goblin shrugs and picks the fly out before drinking.  
The Dwarf carefully picks up the fly between his fingers and holds it over the mug, screaming, "Let it out! LET IT OUT!"

What do you call a Tauren Druid?  
A Converta-bull.

Player: How many macros do you have?  
GM: 2. One to say hello, and one to ban people.

Why did the Gnome get kicked out of the nudist colony?  
Because he was always sticking his nose in everyone's business.

What does a Tauren call it when he sees lightning but hears nothing?  
A Thunder Bluff.

Ragnar-O's - The ONLY cereal with a Molten Core! Too Scoops, Executus.. Taste the Flavors of Sulfuron.. BY FIBRE BE PURGED!

Why didn't the Warrior enchant his weapon with Intellect?  
He didn't want it to be smarter than him.

What do you call 5 Mogu rolling down a hill?  
Rolling Stones.

A Human, a Night Elf, A Dwarf and a Gnome are sitting in the Deeprun Tram. Suddenly, the Human picks his rat pet and throws it out of the tram. Then he said: "Hah, we've got enough of those useless pests in Stormwind, who cares about one less?" Then the Night Elf also wants to act cool and takes his cockatriel pet out of his backback, and throws it of of the tram.  
Then he says: "Hehe, we've also got enough of those useless birds my great city, they only make irretating noises and **** on your mounts. Every one less helps." After that the Human and the Elf looked at the Dwarf, waiting for him to throw something 'useless' out of the riding tram. Then, the Gnome looked shocked at the Dwarf and said: "OH NO YOU DON'T!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a ships wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "Hey, you''ve got a ships wheel on your pants." The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."

What's the difference between a Gnome and a Trampoline?  
You take your shoes off before jumping on a Trampoline.

What do you call a Gnome in the trash?  
A waste, you could easilly fit 4 in there!

A Human, a Dwarf and a Gnome are venturing through Stranglethorn Vale when they are captured by a tribe of bloodthirsty Trolls. The Chieftain tells them that if they can perform a feat of endurance, they may survive.  
He sends each of them into the jungle with two guards and tells them to bring back 10 of any item they choose. The Human arrives back first with 10 stones. The chieftain tells him that he must place them in his rear end and keep them there for 10 minutes.  
The Human bravely holds them for 7 minutes but can no longer hold them. When the first stone hits the ground, the chieftain's axe falls and the human is killed on the spot. The Dwarf arrives back next with 10 grapefruits. The chieftain tells him that he must place them in his rear end and keep them there for 10 minutes.  
The Dwarf shocks the tribe by not only fitting them in his rear end, but showing no signs of strain 9 minutes into the challenge.  
Suddenly he bursts into laughter and the grapefruits fall to the ground. The chieftain swiftly kills him. As the Dwarf releases, the Human's ghost says to the Dwarf's ghost, "Man! You were almost there! What happened?" The Dwarf says, "I saw the Gnome coming back with watermelons."

A Paladin is traveling through Dun Morogh on his way back to IronForge. Along the way he sees a Hunter kneeling down out in the middle of a frozen lake.  
Curious, the Paladin decides to see what the Hunter is up to. As he approaches, he notices the Hunter is cutting a hole in the ice with a saw.  
"Fishing, eh?", says the Paladin. "Something like that", the Hunter mumbles back. Being an avid fisherman himself, the paladin asks,  
"What you using for bait?" The Hunter looks at him and pulls out a package of frozen peas.  
The Paladin looks surprised, "Peas, huh? I've never heard of that before. Work pretty good?"  
"Very well actually.", the Hunter responds as he breaks open the package. Intrigued, the Paladin watches as the Hunter carefully places the frozen peas all around the newly cut hole. The hunter picks up his saw goes back to the edge of the lake. "Now we wait.", says the Hunter as he tries to hide himself in a snow bank.  
Confused, the Paladin asks, "So how does this work exactly"? "Shhhh, you don't want them to hear you.", the Hunter snaps back.  
Even more curious, the Paladin hides in the snow bank next to the Hunter.  
They aren't waiting long when a polar bear comes out onto the frozen lake. It slowly approaches the hole and sniffs the peas.  
Just as the polar bear starts to take a pea, the Hunter runs up behind it and kicks it in the ice hole.  



End file.
